Tuesday, February 23, 2010

At home

I am sitting at home in the middle of a Tuesday. Which is unusual for me because I work 8:30 -5. But my poor little boy was up all night with 104 temp and throwing up. So I made him an appt to take him to the doctor. I dropped him off at my mother in laws at 8:15 like normal and told her I would be back at 10. She offered to take him to the doctor but I felt like I am always pawning my motherly dutys off on someone just so we can make a little extra money. But lately I have realized life is too short and my little boy is going to be 2 soon and the time has flown by. I have myself wondering have I been a good mom? Have I played with him enough? Does he know I love him more than anything? Sometimes I just get to wrapped up in the wordly things. Am I skinny enough? Did I work out today? Is the house clean and laundry done? All these things have been bothering me lately. And I didnt realize that I probably miss out on alot of things. My mother in law has been watching Paxton twice a week since he was 6 weeks. And a few weeks ago she said she needed more time for herself and wasnt going to be able to watch him as often. And at first I was mad, but then I realized I am the mom. Paxton is my priority and it is about time I start acting like it. My mother in law raised her kids as a stay at home mom and its not her responsibility to raise mine. So lately I have dropped everything for him. So here I sit and he has finally fallen asleep and looks so peaceful. And instead of stressing that work isnt going to survive without me or that I am not going to get to go to the gym today on my lunch break. I am going to count my blessings that I have Paxton in my life and spend every second with him because there is going to be a time when he doesnt want me to hold him anymore. Or lay in bed with me when he isnt feeling well. I am grateful for him and my wonderful husband.